Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize