Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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