Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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