Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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