I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
operation have a gay friend backfired
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
