Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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