I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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