I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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