There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
