Having a random hookup so left but love u
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
