fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
