I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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