Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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