I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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