just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
