yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
