I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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