I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize