VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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