he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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