drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
