ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
