So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
