I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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