This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
