By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
