I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
