there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
