You just made me feel so damn special
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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