I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found a bag of teeth...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
