Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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