the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
