...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
its liver damage thursday
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
