they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dicks are not precious.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
