Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
