Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
