Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
