And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
