we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
