end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
