dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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