had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
