If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
