If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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