he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
