You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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