If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish they made helmets for livers.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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