So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
