the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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