its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
