So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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