Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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