My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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