I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
