well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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