She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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