Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
