I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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