i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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