WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
