like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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