Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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