i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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