How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
