im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize