Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
