What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
