Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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