Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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