Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
