the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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