I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize